Nothing gets the anxiety going like being a mum to two teenage boys. Little things - the normal humdrum of life, such as the loo seat - permanently up, beaming its shiny porcelain mouth at everyone who crosses our landing, through the door that is left wide open, gaping under the bathroom light that wasn’t switched off. Or the state of their bedrooms – strewn with pants mixed up with duvets, odd socks hanging off the radiator and trails of glasses, cups and plates from the elevenses they desperately needed to see them through the vast void of hunger between breakfast and lunch.
And of course, the big things, the serious stuff - my concern for their safety, their sanity, their well-being.
I find myself worrying about their future. What kind of a world will they inherit? We are the generation that ignored the warnings of climate catastrophe more than thirty years ago. We are the generation who have stood and watched the planet die – the news of record-breaking temperatures, floods and fires fill our screens constantly. We are the generation who have binged on burgers and allowed our poor health to clog up not only our own arteries, but clog up the NHS in the process, with an increase in avoidable illnesses such as type 2 diabetes and heart disease. We are the generation who have lived to excess, jetted around the world, gotten used to the ‘have now’ not ‘have not’ – and in return, intentionally or not, have encouraged the growth of sweat-shops of the world so we can swan around in this season’s colour. We are the generation who have consumed foods from far flung places – our need for out of season asparagus or juicy mangos outweighing any sensible food choices we could have made, paying instead for these consumables to travel thousands of miles, using fuel, choking the seas and skies, so we can have a jolly supper with friends.
We are the generation who just couldn’t say no. And although now we are desperately trying to reverse time and make up for where we have gone wrong, by using the right green bins and cutting back on meat - it is all a bit late. We have failed our future.
As well as inheriting a pretty screwed up planet, we are also going to be leaving them a huge pile of debt. Debt due to the economic crisis, mainly due to Covid-19 – which is just one of the coronaviruses that have hopped from animal to human due to barbaric machismo habits in some parts of the world - the penchant for consuming weird and wacky creatures. Yep, we should be proud of ourselves.
Our teenagers are suffering – and although they are not necessarily going to experience serious physical symptoms if they catch Covid-19 – the effect of the last 6 months on them mentally is immense. As a mother, I spent years actively encouraging our sons to go out, get off their behinds, unglue themselves from YouTube - meet and mingle. Growing up they learnt to be independent, to socialise, to be human. Teens in particular are sociable creatures and need their peers more during the ages 13-18 than at any other time. However, actively encouraged by our government to get back to ‘normal’ a few weeks ago – to get out, return to work, to eat out to help out - to act responsibly in their groups of 6 – they are now being told to stay in, keep away from others.
The media is quick to blame the youngsters for the recent rise in positive Covid-19 cases in the UK – as if it was their fault for going back to school, to go to University, to go out for a drink. Teens are confused, upset, worried and scared. This year they had exam results awarded on a whim, had their education interrupted at a critical time and had work experiences, apprenticeships and further education courses cancelled. The rug has been firmly pulled on their dreams and plans. They hear daily news reports of economic doom, pandemics, global warming and dangerous political developments on both sides of the pond. They can’t turn to us as we are the ones responsible for the mess. They don’t feel they can do anything right, so they have now crept back into their bedrooms in droves – living out their lives virtually, seeing friends through screens and staying away from life. Who can blame them, eh?
I try and talk to my boys, let them know that it is indeed a pretty scary time. And that it is OK to feel scared and sad and that although our generation cocked it all up for them, life will continue, and they don’t have to feel like superheroes and try and fix it. We discuss as a family the importance of a healthy mental attitude - the fact you don’t have to be jolly all the time. That it is OK to feel crap. That it is OK to want a duvet day and to just say no if you feel like it. My two are pretty upbeat to be fair, but I am totally aware of the amount of negativity they are constantly bombarded with – whether it is about their own generation, scapegoated for our mistakes and then expected to come up with world changing solutions; or the general state of the world at the moment.
I jest about loo seats and messy rooms, but it is the humdrum and mundane that we need. The normality of tripping over 27 pairs of trainers when we walk into the kitchen; or the crumbs that cover the surface of the counters after they have attempted to make lunch; or even just trying to communicate with them as they filter life through their headphones - it is these things that ground us. These things that keep life in perspective for us. And although we all are collectively going through one of the most uncertain times in recent history the West has experienced – not just Covid-19, but economically, emotionally, politically – we need to hold onto what is actually important - the mental-wellbeing of our nearest and dearest. Our future.
© The Real Tilly Fairfax
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